As much of a letdown in the wake of seeming certainty as 2012 was, and as much as I’ve started to believe that only the opening of a new frontier can hope to save this frontier culture of ours in the long-run, I don’t lack motivation to get to the polls and cast my one vote today. For those of similar persuasion who do need a little pep talk, however, I believe I can provide.

I have lived among the Left for many years. I have experienced firsthand what they say about us when they are certain they can’t possibly be among anyone but their own kind. And I wish I could say that the news was good — that it portended anything but a continuation of irreconcilable differences and division that will continue to pain this country without an end in sight.

What I can tell you with clarity is that we are a joke and an embarrassment to them, you and I — with our ridiculous flag-waving patriotism, our silly belief in the American Way worthy of non-stop Colbert Report caricature. Our devotion to an old, outdated Constitution that doesn’t even guarantee the “right” to free healthcare. Our quaint ideas about “freedom” having anything to do with being “free” to be taxed less, or not required by the state to do things that are clearly for our own good. America is Changing, becoming a Progressive social democracy where you will be governed by people smarter and better than you, and you’d better get over it. Or not. Who cares what you think, really. Just so you shut up and stop dragging the rest of the country down into the dark ages, forcing your enlightened betters to consider desperate measures such as seeking political asylum in Canada.

You’re a joke. But you’re also an enigma in some sense — a creature whose ideas can’t make any kind of sense or be logically understood, so the only possible explanation is a knuckle-dragging, hayseed cartoon caricature.

Whatever. We’d be moving Forward a lot faster, and “catching up” with the rest of the world, if not for your fake “news” outlets whose broadcast licenses should have been revoked a long time ago. Maybe if you stay in your trailer park or wherever it is that you live and keep your backward, reactionary ideas to yourself this time, things will go right, and your countrymen won’t have to be quite so embarrassed when they apologize to their enlightened European friends about this laughing stock of a country.

Do America and the world a favor. Stay home today. ‘K?